My Article

I wrote an article for Cracked and they published it! Check me out!

http://www.cracked.com/blog/fan-theory-wile-e.-coyote-has-inexhaustible-clone-army/

You should read it. I'm hilarious, I promise!

2016 Election Cycle

I am so physically ill at the thought of this election. Both political parties have shifted hard to the right, and if we continue this way 20 years from now the general election will be Martin Shkreli vs. David Duke with both of them pushing us to vote for the “lesser evil” yet again.

Not all, but most of the people insisting that everyone must vote for Hillary Clinton because she is the only way to stop Trump are the same people who are going to pull the lever, sigh loudly in relief that they’ve done all they can, and go back to not participating at all in our nation’s political system.

Participating is difficult, especially for people with a full time job and family commitments, and for most people voting is already a big enough hassle in their lives that they can’t always be bothered to do it. People aren’t avoiding voting for senators, mayors, sheriffs, and other people in power because they don’t care, they are avoiding it because it takes time and effort to research the candidates and schedule time to get to the precinct and all of that jazz. So they’ll throw the switch for Hillary and occasionally yell at the broadcaster on their TV because, true to form, she abandoned her progressive platform and did what the people who pay her want her to do.

They'll natter about how there shouldn’t be money in politics and how we should clear out all of these corrupt politicians. Maybe they’ll even go vote for their local congressional representatives (straight ticket, of course, with blind trust that the blue candidate is obviously the better choice and no consideration paid to whether or not there is a green candidate or a libertarian candidate even running for the position) but that is where their commitment will end. Then they'll be outraged when the next presidential candidate is someone even more corrupt than Hillary, and they’ll wail and gnash their teeth until it comes down to the wire, and they’ll throw the switch for the next candidate that they hate slightly less than the other guy. In 20 years, as Shkreli and Duke (or their equally horrible equivalents) push people to get out and vote, we’ll look back and wistfully talk about what could have been done to change things, but moan about how in that moment we have to vote for the lesser evil. And so it will go all over again.

What a miserable way to run a nation.

March Against Spectra

“People Over Pipelines" March Demands Climate Action from Baker and Legislature

Groups march 43 miles along Spectra Energy’s proposed pipeline projects to MA State House to highlight local opposition.

WHAT: Over 300 Massachusetts residents have pledged to march 43 miles along the route of Spectra’s proposed pipeline projects arriving at the Massachusetts State House to demand that Governor Baker and state lawmakers take a stand against new gas pipelines and the proposed “pipeline tax.”

WHERE: Medfield, MA, to the Massachusetts State House through Walpole, Sharon, Stoughton, Canton, Norwood, Dedham, Weymouth and neighborhoods of Boston.

WHEN: Thursday, July 14, to Monday, July 18

GREAT VISUALS! Scores of marchers including students, families and elders will carry a 10-foot-wide banner reading #PeopleOverPipelines, white sculptures of the iconic number “350” and a giant paper-mache pipeline. Upon arriving at the Massachusetts State House, marchers will gather on the Grand Staircase to demand action from Governor Baker and the state legislature.

BACKGROUND:

The Baker administration is moving forward with a proposal to charge Massachusetts ratepayers for Spectra Energy’s new natural gas pipeline project “Access Northeast.”

The "People Over Pipelines" march will highlight local opposition to Spectra's proposed gas pipelines and Baker's pipeline tax.

For more information about street routes and stop times, please visit www.PeopleOverPipelines.org

The Best Free eBooks on Amazon

Below are, in no particular order, my favorite Kindle books that were downloaded for free. I can't guarantee that they are all still free, but at one time they were available at no cost and they are really good stories. If you find them listed for $5 or less I highly recommend you download them to your Kindle.

1. Southern Spirits (Southern Ghost Hunter Mysteries Book 1) by Angie Fox

Young woman accidentally unearths ghost of old mobster who helps her solve a mystery. Cute story, nice writing, interesting premise.

2. Alan Lennox and the Temp Job of Doom by Brian Olsen

Action/Adventure book about Alan Lennox and his friends trying to find a killer before the killer finds them. Super fun read!

3. Of Windmills and War by Diane Moody

Historical fiction based on Operation Chowhound in WWII. Wonderful story and well worth your time.

4. Face the Winter Naked by Bonnie Turner

Set during the Depression, the story of Daniel and LaDaisy's family is one I've read at least half a dozen times now. Probably the best writing I've seen outside of the bestseller's list. 

5. Cranberry Bluff by Deborah Garner

A whodunit that will have you smiling on every page. You'll never believe how it ends!

6. Trouble in Mudbug (Ghost-in-Law series book 1) by Jana DeLeon

The hilarious adventures of a woman and her Mother In Law's ghost. This one will leave you laughing out loud.

7. The Dirty Parts of the Bible - Sam Torode 

This is an adventure novel. The title is a bit misleading, but it is a really good book.

8. The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins

A classic novel with what is unquestionably the best villain in all of literature. 

9. Hole in the Heart by Craig Allen

Monsters, gods, and the end of the world all converge together in this page-turner.

11. Talk of the Town (Welcome to Daily, Texas book 1) by Lisa Wingate

American Idol meets small town Texas meets a strange disappearance. A very adorable story!

12. In Times Like These: A Time Travel Adventure by Nathan Van Coops

Romance, time travel, and so much more. This is one I've recommended to multiple people and they've all really enjoyed it!

Why my Facebook picture isn't a rainbow today.

I very, very rarely participate in the Updated Profile Photo/Copy-Paste message type of thing on Facebook. Not because I'm not supportive of the community or because I'm not saddened and horrified by their loss. I am. And even though I am religious I also don't pray over these kinds of situations either. I choose not to do these things because they give me a false feeling of "having done something" to help. 

How many people on Facebook will update their photos without writing to their senator or other representatives about the importance of stopping these attacks in the future? How many people will copy/paste a message of support and then not vote in November? How many people will cover their profile in rainbows/French flags/etc. and then see active prejudice in the streets and say or do nothing to stop it? They aren't bad people, they just feel they've done something to help by showing support or offering prayers and condolences. I don't want to give myself that false feeling of having done what I can to stop the problem, so I use that fear and anger and sorrow to push myself to find the ways that I personally can make the situation better.

I encourage you, too, to leave your Facebook page the same as it has ever been. Take the feelings you have about the shooting in Orlando (or Aurora, or Newtown, or San Bernadino, etc.) and put them into action. Write a letter. Join a group that works to end gun violence. Vote this November. When you hear someone saying racist, homophobic things in public let them know you don't agree. Do what you can to change things for the better and don't let yourself believe that your thoughts, prayers, and social media "show of support" is all you have to give. Get out there and change the world for the better.

10 Most Famous Haunted Places in New England

New England has beautiful fall foliage, excellent clam chowder, and a huge number of ghostly legends and lore. From Rhode Island to Maine there are local stories of ghosts and spirits reaching out from the beyond to send chills up the spines of the living. I set off with nothing but a notebook and a sense of adventure to find out if there is any truth to the most popular legends here in New England.

10. Exeter, RI – The Legend of Mercy Brown

Mercy Brown was a young woman in Exeter, RI who was wrongfully assumed to be a vampire. In 1882 Mercy developed tuberculosis, a.k.a. consumption. Because this was before germ theory the townspeople decided that all of the people who were being diagnosed with consumption were being attacked by vampires in the night, causing them to become ill. Her brother Edwin had been showing signs of consumption shortly before Mercy died in 1883. Convinced Mercy was rising from the dead to feast upon her brother they went back to her corpse and cut out her heart, burning it and making Edwin ingest the ashes as a way to ward off his sister’s vampirism. Unsurprisingly, ingesting charred bits of his dead sister did nothing to stop the consumption and he too passed away, but the defiling of her dead body led to multiple sightings of her ghost in Chestnut Hill Cemetery where she and her family are buried. Some people say that they’ve seen her wandering the grounds of the cemetery, others say they’ve seen a blue ball of light that floats among the graves. Often people report a feeling of being pushed by an unseen force.

9. Bridgeport, CT - The Remington Arms Factory

In 1867 a factory was built in Bridgeport, Connecticut that soon became the Remington Arms Munition factory. One of the largest munitions factories in the world, the Remington Arms supplied a significant amount of the weaponry used during World War I and II. During the production for the wars there were several fatal accidents including an explosion in 1942 that killed 8 people and injured 80 others. In the late 1960s and early 1970s the demand for weapons manufacturing had declined and the factory eventually closed to relocate to the south. This left an abandoned, crumbling factory in the heart of Bridgeport that has been the home to numerous ghost sightings over the years. Reports of shadowy figures in the windows, furniture moving around by itself, screaming and moaning coming from the building have led to theories of ghosts and spirits haunting the property. Legend has it that the people who died in the explosion in 1942 can still be seen in the windows, running back and forth and wailing loudly.

8. Stowe, VT – Emily’s Bridge

In the town of Stowe there is a covered bridge known as Emily’s Bridge named after a young woman who died there. Multiple tales are told of what exactly happened at the bridge – some say she lost control of her horse and went over the edge into the water below, others say she was murdered by her fiancé’s mother on the bridge, and yet others tell stories of a young woman who was jilted by her lover and hung herself on the bridge rather than face life without him. The last story is the most popular of the three, saying that she arranged a clandestine meeting with her lover on the bridge and they were going to run away together so she could escape her abusive family. For some reason he decided against it at the last minute and never joined her on the bridge, leaving her there alone for hours. Once she knew he wasn’t coming to join her she hung herself from the rafters. According to legend people driving across the bridge hear scratching noises from above as the feet of her dangling corpse drag across the roof of their car. Other legends say that her ghost only attacks men in revenge for the man who left her there alone to kill herself on the bridge.

7. Rye, NH – Ray’s Seafood Restaurant

Ray’s Seafood Restaurant, located in a little seaside town in New Hampshire, is a former residence-turned-restaurant surrounded by multicolored lobster sculptures and a beautiful, rocky beach. The building was once the home of two sisters, Goldie and Blanche, who lived there together until they were moved out of their home and into assisted living facilities in the 1960s. Despite dying elsewhere, Goldie’s things were still stored in the attic of the restaurant and after she passed people began reporting ghostly activity such as unexplained cold spots, phones ringing when no one is calling, third floor windows opening on their own and glasses shaking along the walls. According to legend the business had traditionally been passed from father to son but several years ago it was left to an in-law instead, causing Goldie to become less mischievous and more aggressive in her activities, breaking lightbulbs and otherwise causing trouble for the employees.

6. Kennebunk, ME – Wallingford Farm & Hall

Wallingford Farm in Kennebunk, Maine is haunted by the ghost of soldiers according to their website. Employees have reported seeing the ghosts of Revolutionary War soldiers walking along rafters in the barn, unexplained cold spots, slamming doors, and the sounds of feet running up and down the stairs. The nearby Wallingford Hall is also home to multiple ghost stories and sightings, ranging from a ghost of a ten year old girl who plays on the stairs to a woman who appears in the corner of the kitchen. Employees and people who have stayed the night have reported unexplained noises and slamming doors, though all reports indicate that the ghosts here are fairly benign and have never attempted to harm anyone. The ghost stories are so prevalent at Wallingford Farm that they have a section dedicated to the hauntings on their website including a poem and a link to all the different paranormal studies that have been done on the property.

5. Boston, MA – Central Burying Ground

There are dozens of stories of ghosts and hauntings in the Central Burying Ground in Boston but the most common (and the one told by the haunted walking tour of Boston) tells the story of a young medical student in the late 1970s. He apparently tried to take a rubbing of a gravestone and was beset upon by the ghost of a nine-year-old girl in a white dress. She supposedly appeared in the graveyard, first sitting in a tree and then appearing on the walking path and forced him to run through her to escape from the cemetery. After passing through the gates he approached his car only to have his keys knocked out of his hands by what felt like a still, cold presence. Believing the girl had followed him he went to the police to make a report only to recant his story a few hours later out of fear of being thought crazy. Legend says that this particular burying ground was used by a hospital to bury the bodies of children who had died of tuberculosis in the 1800s and that many of the ghosts reported here have been the ghosts of those children looking for someone to be their playmate.

4. Mystic, CT – Captain Daniel Packer Inne

The Captain Daniel Packer Inne is a Connecticut restaurant that is supposedly haunted by the spirit of a 7-year-old girl named Ada. She died of scarlet fever years ago and is purported to run around on the top floor of the restaurant, opening windows and tilting pictures on the wall in addition to trying to play with the many children who dine there. The staff even has a book where both children and adults can record their experiences with the ghost for other patrons to read. According to legend Ada loves to run up and down the stairs to the third floor, causing people who stand in the hallway below to hear the sound of running feet as she races around the restaurant. Despite being a fairly prominent fixture of the restaurant, Ada has never been reported to be angry or malicious, only playful and searching for other small children to play with her while they dine.

3. Providence, RI – The Biltmore Hotel

The Biltmore Hotel is said to be one of the most haunted hotels in the country. Built in 1918, it was owned by a known Satanist who supposedly used the hotel as the location for multiple dark ceremonies, even building a chicken coop on the roof to house chickens to offer as a sacrifice. Over the years there have been stories told of multiple murders back as far as the early 1920s, strange disappearances, and ghostly activities including the slamming of doors and strange noises. You can find multiple videos on YouTube of people staying in The Biltmore Hotel showing their doors slamming and lights flickering, purported to be the ghosts that inhabit the hotel. Legend states that the hotel only became haunted after the ownership changed hands and that some believe the satanic rituals that took place there had actually been keeping the ghosts and other spirits at bay.

2. Stowe, VT – The Green Mountain Inn

At The Green Mountain Inn they tell the story of Boots Berry, a man born to two employees of the hotel in 1840. He grew up in the hotel and became a horseman who, during the course of his duties, saved the lives of several people when the horses lost control of the stagecoach. Declaring him a hero, the townspeople made it clear he would never have to buy his own drinks again, but soon after he developed a drinking problem and was let go from the hotel. With nowhere to call home he traveled the country, earning the nickname Boots when he learned how to tap dance. Eventually making his way back to Stowe, Boots arrived to find that a young girl had somehow climbed out on the roof of the inn during a snowstorm. He climbed up and rescued the girl only to slip and fall to his death. Now the legend goes that people who stay in room 302 can hear him tap dancing on the rooftop where he rescued the little girl so long ago.

1.Boston, MA – Ghost of George Parkman

In the mid -1800s Dr. George Parkman was the head of one of the wealthiest and most powerful families in the Boston area. Despite being a notorious skinflint, at one point he loaned money to Dr. John Webster, a professor of chemistry at Harvard. After leaving the house one day to collect on the debts owed to him Dr. Parkman disappeared, never to be seen again. A week later a janitor by the name of Littlefield at Harvard discovered the charred remains of Dr. Parkman buried under the bathroom in Dr. Webster’s lab. In one of the first court cases ever to use forensic evidence, Dr. Webster was tried, convicted, and sentenced to death by hanging. The legend says that the ghost of Dr. George Parkman haunts his former home, stomping up and down the stairs and causing plumbing malfunctions because he is upset that his remains were stored under Dr. Webster’s bathroom floor.

Knock, Knock...

A few months ago I was sitting on my couch, eating brownies and binge-watching episodes of Friends when I heard a knock at the door. I opened it to find three people in business suits, each holding a clip board. "Can I help you?" I asked.

The first man stepped up and said, "Hi, I'm Ernie. These are my friends Lilly and Ronald. We are all trying to decide who gets to be boss of the neighborhood. If you choose me I'll bake cake for everyone!"

"That's nice," Lilly said, "But realistically no one thinks Ernie can make enough cake for everyone. If you choose me I'll be really nice to you and then I'll punch you in the face."

"Excuse me?"

"Yep. I'll be super nice to everyone, but eventually I'm going to go around punching people in the face."

"But I don't want to be punched in the face!" I yelled.

"Oh, you will. Wait until you hear from Ronald over there." She pointed to the man beside her who had been making sneering faces the whole time Ernie and Lilly had been speaking.

"Nah, you'll totally want me to be the boss of the neighborhood. I'll be the best boss! But, fair warning, if you choose me you will eventually get stabbed."

"What the hell is wrong with you people?" I screamed, startling the cat and making him run behind the sofa.

"The stabbing is just part of the price you pay to have the best boss of the neighborhood. I have to stab everyone to keep the jackasses from 3rd Ave from wandering over here and using your pool." he replied.

"So I can choose between the guy who wants to make me cake, the woman who wants to punch me in the face, or the dude who wants to stab everybody? I think that is a pretty easy choice."

"Wait, wait, wait!" Lilly said. "I know the cake sounds good, but realistically it just isn't going to happen. No one thinks it can happen. Technically you can choose Ernie and his wacky 'Cake For Everyone' idea, but we are doing this by majority vote, so if you vote for Ernie and Ronald ends up getting the majority of the votes from your neighbors then you will absolutely end up being stabbed. You don't want to be stabbed, do you?"

"But I'm stabbing to keep people safe!" Ronald bellowed. "Besides, the same thing goes the other way. If you vote for Ernie and everyone else votes for Lilly then you will absolutely get punched in the face, plus all those jackasses from 3rd Ave will be in your pool all the damn time! At least if you get stabbed by me you'll know your pool is safe. With her all you get is a punch in the face!"

"But I've never seen anyone else in my pool, and voting for Lilly or Ronald is giving my approval for being punched in the face or stabbed! Why would I do that?"

"To save yourself from being stabbed!" Lilly yelled.

"To keep your pool secure and to keep from getting punched in the face!" Ronald roared.

"I think I'm going to choose Ernie. Even if the cake thing doesn't work out at least he hasn't said he is going to actively harm me. Besides, if he is right about everything then I end up getting cake!" I said.

"Go ahead, throw your vote away!" Lilly and Ronald squawked as they walked down the sidewalk, heading next door to talk to my neighbor.

"So, what flavor of cake do you like?" Ernie asked.