For the month of April my family and I are giving up television. I'm working on a book, my husband is trying to find a hobby, and we'd like to spend more quality time with our daughter so we are turning off the television (except on Saturdays before 10 am) to see how much more we get accomplished without the shiny distraction of TV.
I'm starting to panic about this. I know that is ridiculous and realistically speaking we don't watch that much TV, but I can't wrap my mind around not having the ability to distract myself from other things at all. I know I will get so much more reading, writing, and cleaning done and in the end I think I'm really going to enjoy it but I can't help but get a tight feeling in my throat at the thought of going without it for a while. I think that is a sign of a problem. I guess we will see what happens! Who knows, I might even finish my book!
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Monday, March 14, 2016
The Horse Screamer
A couple of months ago we had to re-home one of our cats. We had two, a sweet grey kitty who wants nothing more than to sleep in bed with us at night and the orange one who finally had to go live somewhere else after seven years in our house because he was too damn smart and his wants were diametrically opposed to my needs. He wanted to eat literally everything that could possibly be considered food and he wanted me to be awake 24 hours a day.
At first I thought maybe he was just bored and harassing me to keep himself entertained. So I bought laser pointers, jingly-bell balls, catnip mice, and all the other things a cat could use to keep himself occupied. We played, he chased, he hid toys in my shoes and under the couch, but none of it helped. The yowling never quieted, the destruction of furniture and door frames never ceased, and he never stopped standing on dressers and tables in the middle of the night to push things over and cause a clatter while I slept.
Then I thought that maybe he was just really hungry all the time. I decided I would increase the amount of food he was getting to see if that would help him be calm. I got up to feeding him 6 times a day before it became clear that no matter how much food I gave him the noise would never stop. I could feed him so much he would literally explode and his disembodied little head would still roll around, screaming and looking for additional noms. So maybe it wasn't the amount of food but the fact that he saw me as the "feeding machine". So off to the pet store I went and I brought back a small automatic feeder. It had two sides that held food, each with a timer that could be set to open the door a specific number of hours later. This was the worst decision. Both cats could smell the food inside of it and had nothing but time to screw around with this machine to see if they could outsmart it. First they smacked it. When that produced no food they used their heads to push it around the room a bit. When that didn't work they used their claws to try and gouge open the plastic. Oh, and did I mention that this was all happening at 4 in the morning? By the time I gave up and went to open the feeder just to make the noise stop I saw both of the cats trying to figure out how to unhinge their jaws like a fucking snake so they could swallow the box whole.
So that feeder went into the garbage and I upgraded to the BIG feeder. It held 5 pounds of food and released it into a dish on the bottom of the machine in whatever intervals you chose. I brought that sucker into the house, filled it up, and knew it would be the thing that finally ended the sleepless nights in my house. But to my horror I discovered that the insatiable appetite possessed by my kitty could not be stopped by the mere presence of an automatic feeder. He quickly learned that if you knock it on it's side the top usually pops off and then you have access to 5 lbs of food! So I just as quickly learned that the top of the machine has to be held on with duct tape.
And so it went, my coming up with solutions and always being one step behind. The grey cat had no issues, he just wanted to participate in the fun of playing with his friend, but the orange cat was a noisy, destructive bastard. Shutting the noisy one in another room just meant he shook the door and pooped outside of his box in anger. I couldn't make him an outdoor cat because we lived on a major street and he would have been hit by a car (or eaten by a coyote, which we also have around here.) Feliway, sleepy treats, and other calming products accomplished nothing at all. Multiple vets had examined him over the course of several years and none had found a medical cause for his caterwauling. So what is a person to do when all of the options have failed? I sent him to the farm.
That isn't a euphemism. I found a miniature horse farm and cranberry bog about half an hour from here and brought him there to be a barn cat. I still get pictures and updates letting me know how happy he is there with lots of space to explore and other animals with which to spend his time. I hope he is ecstatic with his life there now, though my experience with him as my kitty for 7 years makes me think that now he just stands in the middle of the barn and screams at the horses all night long. I'd feel bad for the horses except they seem to be doing fine and I am getting a full night's sleep now, so I consider this a win for everyone.
I miss you, Oliver. I wish you could have been happy living in my house, but if you are happiest screaming at horses then I'm glad I was able to give that to you.
At first I thought maybe he was just bored and harassing me to keep himself entertained. So I bought laser pointers, jingly-bell balls, catnip mice, and all the other things a cat could use to keep himself occupied. We played, he chased, he hid toys in my shoes and under the couch, but none of it helped. The yowling never quieted, the destruction of furniture and door frames never ceased, and he never stopped standing on dressers and tables in the middle of the night to push things over and cause a clatter while I slept.
Then I thought that maybe he was just really hungry all the time. I decided I would increase the amount of food he was getting to see if that would help him be calm. I got up to feeding him 6 times a day before it became clear that no matter how much food I gave him the noise would never stop. I could feed him so much he would literally explode and his disembodied little head would still roll around, screaming and looking for additional noms. So maybe it wasn't the amount of food but the fact that he saw me as the "feeding machine". So off to the pet store I went and I brought back a small automatic feeder. It had two sides that held food, each with a timer that could be set to open the door a specific number of hours later. This was the worst decision. Both cats could smell the food inside of it and had nothing but time to screw around with this machine to see if they could outsmart it. First they smacked it. When that produced no food they used their heads to push it around the room a bit. When that didn't work they used their claws to try and gouge open the plastic. Oh, and did I mention that this was all happening at 4 in the morning? By the time I gave up and went to open the feeder just to make the noise stop I saw both of the cats trying to figure out how to unhinge their jaws like a fucking snake so they could swallow the box whole.
So that feeder went into the garbage and I upgraded to the BIG feeder. It held 5 pounds of food and released it into a dish on the bottom of the machine in whatever intervals you chose. I brought that sucker into the house, filled it up, and knew it would be the thing that finally ended the sleepless nights in my house. But to my horror I discovered that the insatiable appetite possessed by my kitty could not be stopped by the mere presence of an automatic feeder. He quickly learned that if you knock it on it's side the top usually pops off and then you have access to 5 lbs of food! So I just as quickly learned that the top of the machine has to be held on with duct tape.
And so it went, my coming up with solutions and always being one step behind. The grey cat had no issues, he just wanted to participate in the fun of playing with his friend, but the orange cat was a noisy, destructive bastard. Shutting the noisy one in another room just meant he shook the door and pooped outside of his box in anger. I couldn't make him an outdoor cat because we lived on a major street and he would have been hit by a car (or eaten by a coyote, which we also have around here.) Feliway, sleepy treats, and other calming products accomplished nothing at all. Multiple vets had examined him over the course of several years and none had found a medical cause for his caterwauling. So what is a person to do when all of the options have failed? I sent him to the farm.
That isn't a euphemism. I found a miniature horse farm and cranberry bog about half an hour from here and brought him there to be a barn cat. I still get pictures and updates letting me know how happy he is there with lots of space to explore and other animals with which to spend his time. I hope he is ecstatic with his life there now, though my experience with him as my kitty for 7 years makes me think that now he just stands in the middle of the barn and screams at the horses all night long. I'd feel bad for the horses except they seem to be doing fine and I am getting a full night's sleep now, so I consider this a win for everyone.
I miss you, Oliver. I wish you could have been happy living in my house, but if you are happiest screaming at horses then I'm glad I was able to give that to you.
Wednesday, February 10, 2016
Doomsday Preppers
I was reading an article on Buzzfeed the other day about a woman who bills herself as a Survivalist Mom. She and her family are preparing for a massive emergency, whether that is an EMP or an earthquake they are prepared for anything. I've always found myself with a serious dislike of preppers but I couldn't ever really put my finger on why until I read Lisa's story. But before I tell you about Lisa, let
me tell you about my uncle Jed.
Several years back my aunt Annie and uncle
Jed moved from a small house in the suburbs of Dallas out to the vast
wilderness of East Texas. They went from a three bedroom home in a town of 40,000
people to a three bedroom home in a town of 2,000 people and some of the seeds
that sprouted into the idea of relocating came from a survivalist mindset,
specifically a fear that President Obama (or other liberal democrats, I
suppose) were going to come and take their guns. He bought a house out in the
middle of nowhere in Texas with a pond and acres of land so he can fish, hunt
and farm should the need arise. He set up a stockpile of MREs on a rotating
stand in his garage. He has about 30 guns and enough ammunition to supply a
small army. He thought he was ready for anything.
Then about 2 years ago a winter storm hit Texas, shutting
down roads and taking out the power for several days. Turns out having a frozen
over pond and no food growing meant nothing to eat that wasn't an MRE or
already in their house. Turns out that the amount of gas it takes to power the
generator is insane and he can't heat the whole house, so out to the barn he
goes. Turns out having a truck with a full tank of gas to get away from the
emergency doesn't help if it is in your garage and your garage door is
electric. He and my aunt ended up living in the barn for almost a week, eating
nothing but MREs and playing board games because they had no power. I’m sure he
learned a lot from that experience and is better equipped for the next big
emergency, but his experience is an excellent example of some of the problems I
have with doomsday preppers.
My issues with most survivalists/preppers are as follows:
-There are about a million different types of emergencies,
each with a different set of solutions. The blizzard today could be a
terrorist attack tomorrow which could be a tornado next week, all of which
bring very different sets of problems that need to be addressed. From what I’ve
seen, whether in my own family or in the media, most preppers seem to be
preparing for apocalyptic, end-of-humanity scenarios that mean civilization has
broken down completely and all living people who didn’t prepare will starve to
death in the streets. That means the most likely emergency scenarios are the ones they
are the least prepared to handle. They have a bomb shelter with a year’s supply
of hermetically sealed food and water in it that is useless in the event of a
flash flood or ebola outbreak.
-The places in the world where civilization
has broken down, whether that is due to ISIS destroying everything in Syria or
government coups in various African nations, all point to a shelter of weapons,
food and water doing exactly bupkis to protect you. A bunker is only helpful if
you are riding out a short-term problem. Eventually your stores of food and
water run out and you need to go back out into the world to replenish, which is
fine if all of civilization is gone and you are free to hunt or grow crops of
your own accord, but if there is a decades long civil war destroying your
country there is no pristine world waiting for you to reinhabit it, just debris
and shrapnel everywhere and a group of terrorists or soldiers who want to kill
the crap out of you.
-Prepping for an apocalypse - like an actual, destruction of everything type of apocalypse - means that they’ve
been dedicating their time, money and energy to surviving something that has
happened a whopping 5 times in the billions of years our planet has been in
existence. These people could have spent this time fighting climate change to
prevent that apocalypse. They could have donated that money to hospitals or
scientists researching cures for disease to prevent an apocalypse. They could
have gotten involved in their local government and used that energy towards making
sure that everyone’s needs are met to prevent a political uprising that might
lead to an apocalypse. They have looked at the world, decided that everything
is going straight to hell, and instead of working to make things better they’re
focused on making sure they are the ones who will survive it.
This last point is my biggest issue with
survivalists. Many seem like they are not preparing for a disaster but instead
are hoping for a disaster. They are looking forward to being able to stand in
front of a charred wasteland full of corpses and say, “I’m smarter than you! I’m
better than you! Look how I’ve survived where you’ve failed!” They talk a big
game about shooting people who are looting for food and water as though they
can’t wait to kill you and everyone you love to prove that they are the Alphas of
modern society.
And now I’m coming back to Lisa’s story, as she is the first
survivalist I’ve ever seen who seems concerned about the other people in the world
who will be impacted by this impending disaster. She and her family are learning skills
that will make them useful to others and they have put thought into making sure
they are able and willing to trade so everyone can have what they need. She
talks about the emotional difficulty that she experiences thinking about what
to do when the neighbor kids are starving and begging for food. She feels the
same fear that has pushed all of the doomsday preppers toward this lifestyle
and has chosen to think of others outside of her immediate family as part of
her planning. While I still think she and everyone in her community would be better served by working to make the world a better place I find comfort in the knowledge that in her potential apocalypse my death does not make her world a better place.
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
The Casino
Last weekend my husband, daughter and I decided to take a
trip to the Rhode Island/Connecticut border and explore the area a little. We
went to the beach and watched the waves roll in, we ate lunch at a famously
haunted restaurant, and went to Mohegan Sun. Mohegan Sun is a Casino with all
the standard casino stuff – slots, craps, blackjack, giant art sculptures, high
priced stores, fancy restaurants, etc. But they also have something that most
casinos don’t have – a play area for kids. The play area is divided into two
parts, an arcade for kids twelve and older and a play room for kids under
twelve that is better than anything I could have expected. A karaoke stage,
climbing wall, arts and crafts center, giant set of slides, movie theater, and pretend
apartment for the best game of house you’ve ever seen all waited for my
daughter to explore them while my husband and I got to go have a couple of
hours of grown-up time. After we had an early lunch at one of the restaurants
there we waltzed over to the play area and got in line to check our daughter
into the facility.
As we signed her in the staff reviewed their rules and
procedures with us, explaining how their schedule works. “Once she has been
here for two and a half hours we will offer her a drink and a healthy snack. At
two hour intervals from that point forward we will offer her food and drink and
you will be charged accordingly.”
“Oh, we won’t be gone that long. We will be back in about 2
hours.” I told her.
“That’s fine, but we will offer her food and drink at these
times. We close at 2 a.m. tonight.” She replied.
We thanked her and watched our daughter run off to begin
exploring the playroom, not worrying about anything at all. We gambled, we
wandered around looking at all the cool stuff in the casino, we browsed the
shops, etc. When we were about 5 minutes out from the two hours we promised our
daughter we would be gone we started walking back to the playroom to pick her
up and a depressing reality dropped out of the sky and hit me like a ton of
bricks.
“Oh my god” I said, “The reason she told us about the
feeding schedule there is because some parents leave their kids there for the
whole day! The reason she reiterated the feeding schedule and closing times to
me was because parents will drop their kid off ‘for an hour or two’ and come
back eight or nine hours later. Holy crap…”
“Wow, I hadn’t even considered that! Poor kids!” my husband
exclaimed.
As we paid the bill ($11.50 an hour for the play place and
an extra $4 for art supplies for the craft area) they asked for my ID when I pulled
out my credit card. “Would someone really be dumb enough to have dropped off
their kid, put a copy of their photo ID on file, and given you their phone
numbers for emergency contact information only to then try to use a stolen
credit card to pay the bill?” I asked.
“That happens almost every day.” The woman replied.
There in that brightly colored room full of happy, excited
children we were brought face to face with the dark, slimy underbelly of a
monster. While we will absolutely go back again since everyone in the family
had a fabulous time, the looming shadow of addiction will be there to remind us
that the bright lights and happy sounds are there not just to entertain but to
distract us from reality.
Homer Simpson: “The only monster here is the gambling
monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to
snatch your mother from his neon claws!”
Saturday, January 9, 2016
Oh Yeah!
All of 6 days after we set a goal of saving $6,000 this year our refrigerator died. Because it is the middle of winter we were able to just put stuff in big plastic boxes and set it out back while we figured out what to do about our broken fridge. I went online to find an appliance repair person and I noticed a startling trend - about a third of the reviews for everyone I saw said something like, "He came out and vacuumed out the coils and it started right back up! Well worth the $120!" Well, if that is the case I will try that myself first!
So I got the vacuum and unplugged the fridge, removed the front grill and noticed the underside was full of dust and pet hair. So I vacuumed it out. I got a flyswatter and dug around under there, bringing bits of dust from the back up where I could reach them with the vacuum. Then I vacuumed the entire back side of the fridge and plugged it back in. It worked! We now have a functional refrigerator again at the low, low price of $0. Actually better than that, since the fridge was unplugged for 2 days that probably saved us a couple bucks on the electric bill too. Score!
So I got the vacuum and unplugged the fridge, removed the front grill and noticed the underside was full of dust and pet hair. So I vacuumed it out. I got a flyswatter and dug around under there, bringing bits of dust from the back up where I could reach them with the vacuum. Then I vacuumed the entire back side of the fridge and plugged it back in. It worked! We now have a functional refrigerator again at the low, low price of $0. Actually better than that, since the fridge was unplugged for 2 days that probably saved us a couple bucks on the electric bill too. Score!
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Working Towards My Goals
So, it is five days into the new year and I'm working on my goals. So far I've done the following:
Have an Adventure
My husband and I have started talking about what kind of adventure might work for us or what kind of things we might think of as adventurous. We haven't really gotten very far on this one, but we've started tossing some ideas around. Though I suppose advanced planning isn't quite what most people think about when they think of adventure!
Save $6,000
We have officially paid off the credit cards and have a debt balance of $0. Now comes the hard part of paying ourselves back the $6,000 into our savings accounts over the next year.
Run a 5K
I'll be honest on this one and say I am nowhere near in any kind of shape to even attempt a 5K yet. I'm thinking I may try a bastardized version of the Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead reboot diet by Joe Cross. I'm not willing to drink only juice because I feel like I would constantly be starving and he got almost no protein in the 60 day juice cleanse, but a smoothie-based cleanse/reboot might work for me. I would get lots of fiber from all of the fruits and vegetables and I could add protein to the smoothies for a much more balanced caloric and nutrient intake. I also need to make a point of getting on the treadmill for 20-30 minutes every day if I want to do this too, but given that I hurt my ankle so badly in September I am hesitant to do this quite yet.
Have an Adventure
My husband and I have started talking about what kind of adventure might work for us or what kind of things we might think of as adventurous. We haven't really gotten very far on this one, but we've started tossing some ideas around. Though I suppose advanced planning isn't quite what most people think about when they think of adventure!
Save $6,000
We have officially paid off the credit cards and have a debt balance of $0. Now comes the hard part of paying ourselves back the $6,000 into our savings accounts over the next year.
Run a 5K
I'll be honest on this one and say I am nowhere near in any kind of shape to even attempt a 5K yet. I'm thinking I may try a bastardized version of the Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead reboot diet by Joe Cross. I'm not willing to drink only juice because I feel like I would constantly be starving and he got almost no protein in the 60 day juice cleanse, but a smoothie-based cleanse/reboot might work for me. I would get lots of fiber from all of the fruits and vegetables and I could add protein to the smoothies for a much more balanced caloric and nutrient intake. I also need to make a point of getting on the treadmill for 20-30 minutes every day if I want to do this too, but given that I hurt my ankle so badly in September I am hesitant to do this quite yet.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Goals For the New Year
2016 is coming. I should plan for the new year, right? Not, like, resolutions or anything, because those are made to be broken, but at the least I should have a few goals in mind for the next 12 month period of time. I've given it some thought and I've decided on the following goals for the new year:
1. Have an adventure. Doesn't have to be a big or expensive adventure, just has to be something exciting. Something that gives me a story to tell while sitting around with a group of friends and family.
2. Save $6,000. An incredibly generous relative has gifted us a sizable amount of money, enough to pay off our credit card debts (about six grand.) What I don't want is to use that money to bring the slate back to zero without having anything else to show for it, so my goal is to use the money to pay off the debt and then put what we would have been paying towards credit cards into savings, along with a bit extra, so that at the end of the year we've saved enough to have been capable of paying off the debt without help. My original goal was to pay off the credit card debt, but then we got a windfall so I had to change it a bit.
3. Run a 5K. I can be the last person across that finish line, but I want to be able to say I did it. I'm less of a runner and more of a chocolate cake sort of gal, so this is a big one for me.
I think this is enough for me to accomplish in 2016. I'll post here occasionally about how I'm doing in my attempts to meet my goals next year and I hope you will comment with your goals and the occasional update on how things are coming along for you too!
1. Have an adventure. Doesn't have to be a big or expensive adventure, just has to be something exciting. Something that gives me a story to tell while sitting around with a group of friends and family.
2. Save $6,000. An incredibly generous relative has gifted us a sizable amount of money, enough to pay off our credit card debts (about six grand.) What I don't want is to use that money to bring the slate back to zero without having anything else to show for it, so my goal is to use the money to pay off the debt and then put what we would have been paying towards credit cards into savings, along with a bit extra, so that at the end of the year we've saved enough to have been capable of paying off the debt without help. My original goal was to pay off the credit card debt, but then we got a windfall so I had to change it a bit.
3. Run a 5K. I can be the last person across that finish line, but I want to be able to say I did it. I'm less of a runner and more of a chocolate cake sort of gal, so this is a big one for me.
I think this is enough for me to accomplish in 2016. I'll post here occasionally about how I'm doing in my attempts to meet my goals next year and I hope you will comment with your goals and the occasional update on how things are coming along for you too!
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