Saturday, October 1, 2016

New State Mottos

I thought up a new motto for each state, just in case they want to consider changing things up.

**Due to popular request, I've put a few of these slogans on mugs, stickers, etc. for sale at where I will get a small royalty for every purchase.**

Alabama - First in the nation! Alphabetically, at least.

Alaska - No matter how many times you try it, moose do NOT want to be ridden

Arizona - Like Nevada without all of the fun and profitability of Las Vegas

Arkansas - We'd like to officially apologize for Wal-Mart

California - No, we don't want to read your screenplay

Colorado - Skiing and pot - we have all the ways to get high!

Connecticut - You forgot about us, didn't you?

Delaware - Drive straight through in half an hour

Florida - Mickey wrestles a gator every day at 4:00

Georgia - Gone With the Wind makes us look good

Hawaii - You're welcome for all the pineapple

Idaho - No, you da' hoe! I'm about something about potatoes?

Illinois - Big city crime and small town poverty, we've got it all!

Indiana - Seriously, Notre Dame is here?

Iowa - Corn, right? Oh wait, that's Nebraska.

Kansas - Come for the Wizard of Oz references, stay for the economic destruction!

Kentucky - Bourbon and horse racing, together again!

Louisiana - Visit soon, we'll be completely under water in ten years!

Maine - We're not really haunted, no matter what Stephen King tells you.

Maryland - Our seafood isn't as good as Massachusetts

Massachusetts - Come for the lobstah, stay for the speech impediment

Michigan - If the shootings don't kill you, the water just might!

Minnesota - Land of 10,000 hot dish recipes

Mississippi - We make Alabama look good

Missouri - We've got the big arch and not much else

Montana - The "M" state you can never remember

Nebraska - America's belly button

Nevada - A vacation spot for people who want to sin more efficiently

New Hampshire - A Libertarian blanket fort

New Jersey - The answer to, "What's that smell?"

New Mexico - Where Texans go for porn and booze

New York - Thank you for your tourism dollars. Now get the hell out!

North Carolina - We care where you pee!

North Dakota - The big heads are in the other Dakota

Ohio - Be nice to us, we control who gets elected President

Oklahoma - Where the fracked gas comes sweeping down the plain

Oregon - Washington's conjoined twin

Pennsylvania - The West Virginia of the North

Rhode Island - Massachusetts' soul patch

South Carolina - Nothing could be finer! Well, that's not true, but still...

South Dakota - Lots of snow and 4 big headed politicians

Tennessee - Country music is the sound a guitar makes if you pour BBQ sauce on it

Texas - Jesus would've shot you for that, you know.

Utah - Where an entire religion took their ball and went home

Vermont - America's biggest supplier of ice cream and hippies

Virginia - Home of tobacco growers and d-bag politicians

Washington - We were smart enough to know the rest of you would pay $5 for a cup of coffee

West Virginia - Getting pay checks and black lung disease at the same time

Wisconsin - We love cheese and hate teachers, apparently.

Wyoming - The world's biggest purchaser of cowboy hats

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